Here are some suggestions to improve the dialogue:
"Hey Jane." Jack gave a quick nod. "What's up?"
"Oh, hey." Jane's gaze flicked to him briefly. "You know, same old."
He cocked his head. "That doesn't sound like your usual chipper self. Everything alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." She looked away, fiddling with her sleeve. "It's nothing."
"Jane..." Jack's brow furrowed. "You sure? I'm here if you need to talk."
A faint smile touched her lips. "I know. Thanks. I'll be okay." She took a breath and met his eyes. "Still on for lunch? Noon at the usual spot?"
"You got it." He squeezed her shoulder before heading off, throwing one last concerned glance over his shoulder.
Explanations: - Trimmed filler words like "I guess" and "that sounds good" for tighter flow - Added action beats to show the characters' movements, expressions and silent communication - Varied word choice to give Jack and Jane distinct voices - he's direct while she's evasive - Used subtext to hint at Jane hiding something that's bothering her, creating underlying tension - Injected subtle caring in Jack's dialogue to suggest a close relationship - Included a gesture at the end to convey Jack's lingering concern without dialog - Ensured the dialog still sets up the lunch meeting and advances the plot
The revised dialogue sounds more natural, reveals character, and creates an intriguing sense that more is going on beneath the surface, enticing the reader to find out what Jane is holding back. The action beats make the scene more visual and engaging. With a few small changes, the dialogue becomes crisper and richer with subtext. Let me know if you have any other questions!
